A week of sleepless nights

6th June, Sunday

I turned off the monitor after setting my on-screen alarm to wake up for class tomorrow, I went to bed... Images flashed, thoughts coming up fast... Problems, regret, worries.. all came filling my thoughts and never allow me peace.... but i cant gave up.. for i cannot afford another failure... and that is what always comforts me.. from the most uncomfortable nights... i found myself hope.. given... not found... so i can finally close my eyes...

*Flash back*

It was semester break, I was happily playing many MMORPGs... because holiday was actually boring-days.... so i figured... the fastest way to finish weeks of time would be MMORPGs... what can i do... i dont Dota, i tried S.T.A.L.K.E.R. all 3 of them, i tried AVP, and many other Single Player games; without any success to keep me interested and happy... so i went MMO-ing all the while.. I knew i may fail a subject... i know i might not have the right to sit down on my hotseat and play 24/7 but what else can i do... i cant study for things i might wanna do for the next 2 more sems to come.. all i can do is enjoy my holiday to the max...which i know... i actually dont know what is enjoy doing things like that... except for watching Prince of Persia : The Sand of Time, after helping my girl friend choose and recommend a compaq laptop....

4th June, Friday

Friday came creeping.. and everyday.. once or twice... my mind sure got struck by a thought - oh when is result coming out?! and in many attempts to online.mmu.edu.my, the full transcript just shows nothing... very soon when i realised.. it was the third friday at my house... with successful registration of streamyx 1Mb.. i had to say i kinda enjoy most of my holidays downloading and going speedtest.net... being happy about the result... when i started to relax and thought of what i should plan on hanging out with coursemates when i'm back at MMU, an unknown number (which later on i realised it was Wei Sin) sent a SMS telling me.. result's out...

That instant my heart goes beating so fast... and i'm ady murmuring the word SHIT SHIT SHIT many times... because i know i was going to fail my TCS... the only thing i look for in my transcript this time is just a letter.. F... whether it is there or not... when i finally realised it is sitting side by side on a coursecode namely TCS1011... my heart went down.... forehead nearly touching the keyboard... i wanted to cry it out like ARGH!!!! but i cant... every bit of my family members is sitting nearby... i dont want to... at least i'm NOT ready yet... to tell them that i failed.. perhaps this time i really shouldnt.. because last time i only use to fail SEJARAH... which in the end means nothing and i passed during SPM... i couldnt bear to fail this time because each course, especially this major core subjects... costs about 1K per course... and even with half price... it's a burden to my family... i'm not rich... i can only manage if i save up..

Since then on my mood hasnt changed much.. i have no appetite... no mood to click so much in front of the screen.. and worst off... i cant sleep... every worse situation comes flashing in my mind when i thought of how my dad or mum will react when they know i failed this paper... even though i did told them i might just fail.. JUST FAIL... how easily can i speak that up without even putting the full efforts last time... though it's too late to regret... we must know where we did wrong yes? That's right... since then on till day before yesterday.. almost a week... i couldnt sleep well... and i mean it... when i went lying down on the bed at 12... i can only sleep and close my eyes at 3.... 3 hours on the bed doing nothing but stupid thoughts...

5th June, Saturday

The next day my father asked and i finally told him about it... to my surprise he did not actually scold me... i know my dad... perhaps he's really old now... perhaps he doesnt wanna quarrel with me... he just talked so nicely... telling me.. not to give too many pressure to myself... if i really cant make it... drop some subjects... dont be too particular about the schedule as long as i can pass all... yeah.. pass all that's most important to me now.. but i did wanna come out early... my parents are both retiring.. and i'm going to just cost them Rm500 to Rm1000 more money... how good is one's son if they were nothing but money spender?

My father did the right thing... i have to say... he's really good in handling me... i couldnt stand tears when i told him i failed... when he said never mind... it's kinda normal at MMU.... never mind it's ok... dont too pressure yourself.. this is so different... he even took care of my everything.. trying to not make me too sad... asking me do i need more money since i have up till 630pm classes on friday which further means.. no home coming... what can i expect more? but i said no... i rather he keep the money to himself... i really want to save up so if i can.. he dont have to pay for my retake.... maybe it's never too late to realize even better reasons to respect and love my father... i'll repay.. i promise...

10th June, Thursday

a week went by.... yes... sleepless nights too.... lectures were surprisingly having good english... and i'm happy about it.... Not on some if they were to teach me when i as foundation.... but now.. perhaps i'm in this campus long enough to not ask for better... or perhaps they are really better... i dont care much.... and thursday is free.... no lectures no tutorials... not just because it's first week.. because we made our timetable so... fully utilize all other time and leave thursday free... so we will have some activities on our own... what's a better plan is... Khesvin and few more of my firends are going for badminton and they count me in... which i'm really happy about it because i already wanted quite long to play my badminton like how i used to... i told my girl friend i wanna get back the *feel* of playing it right.. being strong..agile... and tricky...

As expected.. Thiam Soon and my sifu Yong Chin was among the best... since they were once great players and they never stop... i did stop at form 3... so i haven hold my racquet's handle for like so many years... and i figure if you lob a ball... i'll never be able to time it right and smash it or lob it back or what not... well it's true.. because i had my trainings before and i once half-excelled... that's a problem... with that long a time leaving badminton untouched... my judgement and timing is gonna suck... but i managed.... but it's just games and sport... our motive is just to get ourself sweaty.... whatever it takes.. it'll do... we booked a court.. with SukMa players fencing on a futsal field.. everything was perfect... i'm happy... that i can play... that i got invited... that i get to exercise.. that i get to win perhaps? lol... my mood turned better. and i'm all tired when i reach Ixora.... with slight headache, which is caused by losing too much of body liquid... bought a 100 plus aqtiv... finish it that night itself... and voila.... i can sleep well on thursday.... finally... but because i'm tired... and because on Friday.. i have 8am class...

11th June, Friday

Today i'm all excited... 8-9am class and the girls are gonna meet their AA which to me... i can TUMPANG ask... thanks to my gf and friends... i can laugh and smile all the while now... speaking to Miss Goh i knew that this failure isnt gonna be easy to us... it's going to cost us alot of time... i really dont know how i should plan about my future... but let's get on with it.. make present and future better to get rid of the past.. that's what we can try best now...

of course.. that's nothing to be excited about... what comes next is what i wrote on Facebook status when i woke up... JUSCO! all i can think of is sushi and nothing else... i like their own made sushi... with that big piece of dried seaweed all wrapped... of course the main purpose is to lunch and get stuff from Popular bookstore.. so...

We had our lunch at garden... and 6 of us pick the exact same dishes.. just different beverages... why because that is the most worth looking dish...

Garden... where we took our lunch..

A Picture we took when we're done.. with MANY attempts due to incorrect angle..

A close up on the dish... 6 of the same... but this isnt mine i believe it's FongE's

The interior design there... looks not bad...

And a testing from FongE i dunno why... on Wteng's camera phone....

P/S: i trimmed a new hairstyle and i have positive feedbacks.. thanks people... :D

My dish.. full spec... salad, rice my lime+honey ice, a tasty, most satisfied, UK's choice... soup of the day... lol it was awesome though costly..

An mid-aged women were eating ALONE not very far away from us.. and fongE snapped her pic... lol

We went to popular and after that hang around in a cartoon shop and also a souvenir's shop... we were playing around with things at the cartoon shop and took pics but the latter doesnt let us do the same... so we have only pics from cartoon shop....

A cyclops like spec lol which i tried it on and let the price tag lay on my nose... imma retard...

FongE's attempt... are rabbitdogs always good with something that has a rabbit or dog symbol? i guess so... :D

She does look cool on that... i mean COOOOLLLL... she doesnt wanna show her face which makes her enhances the effect more... during a spectacles repairment on Daby's new pair... she did tried a few too which looks cool also... guess she's a cool type huh... not like it when you get to know her better... behind her was my gf... with a SMILING tiger.. how cute...

Ladies and gentlemen.. a series of angry-looking Puppets show comes next!

First, tommy was bitten on the shoulder by a dinosaur came back alive!

Guess who's behind...?

Next, FongE head was nearly swallowed by just one byte from an alligator...... bleh *tongue out dead*

Guess who's behind?

Now did you get it right or wrong? Tommy was a black bear, fongE with a T-Rex and Daby with an alligator...

Daby found a large paw and put it on fongE's frontal face... tommy instantly laughs... FACEPALM!!

However, he demanded a correct way of doing it... BIG FACEPALM...

Everything went well... while we finished going to about 4-5 or was it 6 shops of SHOES next... we decided to head back to campus to continue our 330pm tutorial... we even planned to get the OS textbook before going back campus but what kills us was the heavy rain... so darn heavy that i cannot tell.. but we are in a rush what can i do? tommy doesnt know how to drive... and i wouldnt risk girls running in the rain when there's a boy(me) that can drive... so there i go... got myself all wet... so i must make the wet a purpose... and let's not waste it... make sure my passenger's dry! and i didnt wanna get down of the car to switch drivers which i have to run under the rain again so i drove... and trust me... i couldnt see SHIT.. it was all blur even with the highest speed wiper... with unbalanced roads all half flooded with water... it was nightmare.. i couldnt and wouldnt drive fast and i didnt know well the exact path of home... so wteng guided me... and i kept all passengers worried because i almost had emergency breaks near red lights... because i cant realy see what's happening upfront.. i was all tensed up... then my dad called... he forgot the password to connect to my house's wireless... i told him and he told me a good news... netbook's here.... i've been happy then... despite the wet and weather...

god bless me i reached... put them down at ACR's which they dont have to get wet... although they eventually got wet but not because of staying under rain... it's because of the wind.. such heavy wind and rain... i spotted daby's car and tailed her... because she went back first to fetch her sis.... but i tailed her with 2 purpose.. i'm at Wteng's car what if i dont know how to describe where did i parked.. perhaps later daby can bring her go... besides... i'm afraid that daby doesnt have an umbrella.... and well... although we both have umbrellas... it doesnt even really help at all... yeah my head was ady wet... my leg wasnt.. but the road from car park to CLC is windy and i have my jeans all wet... irritating but there's nothing that i can do... i went to the toilet attempting to dry things up with failure.. even my shirt near my shoulder.. i took off and twist it... rain water came squishing out... but i cant do that to my jeans... so i spent the rest 3 hours having my legs soaked and numb... which is very uncomfortable...

It's so uncomfortable that i have to roll them up to FEEL better... so that the surface attached to wet pants are lesser... i do not care how people will make fun of me already... i'm just WET

thanks to SJ's jacket i warmed at least in the tutorial room... but during BHM... the venue was cold... i managed though... since the lecture was fun.. we need to draw a supply demand curve again this time and how i remembered i drew it together with PCD... and how much we put effort into econs... getting an A... with memories flashback it's warm... at least getting an A is... failure might be bad... but we can always make it a lesson....

during class we caught fongE staring at at the front row... pulling her own lips... looking dead tired... and i snapped this pic quietly without her noticing... to FognE... this is why i never send ALL the pics to you through mail for blogging.. you must've filtered this... :P sorry ya :D

12th June, Saturday

I just came back from IT fair campus... and it sucked so bad that it has so FEW vendors.... and the largest stygix didnt come... well... if you wanna just take a walk... yes you may do so... if you wanna buy something... i dont recommend there... if you wanna troll people... there's the best place... it has so many non-geeks that act like they are...

ah this post jut went abit too far i guess.. but it's ok... it's how i past this week... sleepless nights.. badminton... friends... i'm glad... the fact that now i can sleep well...

before i end.. this is a lil promotion for Ororo Thiam Soon... of charity community of taiwan... tze ji... pronounced not spelled... it's on Monday.. so help him out if you're someone who loves helping..

lemme translate... 14/6/2010, 7-10pm, venue = tze ji outpost, gather place = MMU roundabout.... anyone interested contact Mr. Yeo Thiam Soon...

World cup is live! are you feeling the heat too?! or are you the one causing most of them? one thing about world cup that's good is it's a world class sports.. battle of nations.. so i basically just love choosing one country over the other during a match.. with Aaron's enthusiasm tonight imma watch Korea VS Greece... which will i choose? nothing different from Aaron's choice... KOREA!

What's the time of kick-off in malaysia? I present you the full chart for malaysia...

of course though. CLICK for full view... this is just too small...

That's all for now..

This is HeartRoxas signing out....