i've gone mad... mad not because i might lose all these marks... at least i'm there.. at least i know how to do some questions.. at least i got the chance to try it... at least i wont get a total 0 out of 20
but my gf.. she did not attend the quiz yesterday... because she was sick... and it's not just some simple fever... this sick has cost me none other than >9000% worry towards her...
i did not feel like this before.. i'd never felt like this before but what happened to me... i nearly gave up.. gave up to almost EVERYTHING and ANYTHING... if not because of good friends beside me (especially PCD - yea i'm not ashame of saying he's the main encourager).. that encourages me and supports me... i would've been dead...not entirely... but at least my spirit would have been gone... i got no MOOD in anything... ANYTHING at all...
It isnt fair really... she doesnt wanna be sick... no one WANTS to be sick.... she wants the 20% as much as anybody wanted.... why... why did lecturer said our mid-term would be our presentation and FEW QuizES will lead us to 20%... why finish it in a 60 MCQ question and make that A quiz taking up 20% it's NOT FAIR!
Seriously may be people thought i'm ok in class... with the same vulgar scolding all arund LOUDLY... with all the lil laughters and stupid acts... but today i'm not me... i'm just not... i've NEVER been this worry towards any individuals.... of course... this is because i love her... but i dont need to be like this really... i'm just.. EMO... but luckily i've got my face covered in class... i know i hate ppl showing emo-ness towards others when they are so i dont show.. but deep inside i cant forget... i cant forget that she's now sick.. lying on her bed... suffering... and i MISSED her so much... so much that even tears flow... sigh~
I'm moving to 13A-08-02 Ixora Apartment this coming June... so i have to sign an agreement that i'll be moving... and terms and conditions still applies... so there i went... to sign.. this afternoon... after lunch... pcd again... followed... thank you... really... thank you....
You're going to cyber... but that doesnt mean anything far among us friends... we will miss you and so you will miss us too... that at least... i can assure you...
Dinner wasnt cool at all... i usually eat with my gf.. and my housemates would have expecting me to eat with her.. i'm not sure if i told them she's ady home... but they just wont expect me to follow them for dinner... besides.. they're quite busy themselves... i'm the one should be automatic and ask if there's a dinner slot for me... but i did not.. i talked to her on the phone... she's suffering... i am... too... but i didnt mean to compare... she's sick.. she sufffers alot more than i am... i'm just emo.. and just missing her too much... and over-worried...
Giving up is an excuse... an excuse that i thought giving up is easy but actually it does not solve a thing...
I can be stubborn. dont eat. dont sleep.
But my stomach will still betray me.. and i dont wanna get gastric so there i go... down to U-center and bought bread for my dinner... i did wanted to ask my coursemates... if i can join.. i know(altho not sure) that i'm always welcomed.. i know my character and i know i can fit in.. may be i'm weird in some ways but i do socialise well enough to have someone with me for dinner... i was about to ask M Group.. but then i have a thought over... everyone's eating with their housemates and i'm not even close to know or familiar with them... i wont join... and never will i eat alone too.. and i'm not in the mood to da bao... because i think me... too... has a lil near pre-fever stage... so my dinner... 4 slices of bread...
Khesvin setup his new blog... (link's down there) and were tension about his assignment to be passed up for IT maths... he ask whether i can teach.. so why not... at least i can try my best...
but i know i didn't teach well... i was playing Bully... and teach a bit..(this... i'm sorry khesvin..)
Then my gf called...half way when i was teaching... again... i couldnt help holding my tears back... talked quite a while.... and i'm sry i really cant do anything for her... i really hope i was there to take care of her.. to hug her when she needs me... to watch her sleep in my cuddle... but i'm not... i cant.... i failed...
at last... Khesvin went back without borrowing my head-phone which he said he wanted to... well next time then....
It's late but i dont think i can sleep in this condition... Articles to be passed up tomorrow... and i dont see tomorrow will be any brighter than today.. i'm being pessimistic may be... but i really cant be optimistic at the situation i'm facing now... i'm ruined... i'm doomed... i'm dead... i'm demotivated... i've no confidence over any thing no more... all i wanted is her healthiness... and that i can see her... together developing our just-getting-better relationship...
It's late... Linkin Park's Given Up meant so much to me... but i dont wanna give up... Next Song taught me so... "Take everything from the inside.. and throw it all away..." From The Inside...
I'm sorry if anyone feels ruined by my Emofied post of mine here.... but i have to express it somewhere... and thank you for those who listens....
This is HeartRoxas... Good Night~
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